I’m trying not to be totally annoyed…but I am. Peacefully sitting in McDonald’s working while a family next to me starts playing Mickey Mouse Club as loud as possible. I have never liked Goofy. But I recalled all the times I was desperate to enjoy lunch with a small child. Compassion. Humility. Acceptance. I keep working and decide if I become too annoyed, I have headphones.
“You didn’t get my sauce. Did you not think to get my sauce?” the woman barks at her husband. Her tone is laced with you are a huge disappointment and can get nothing right.
He appears accustomed to this treatment, mumbles something and decides to continue eating while she glares at him. I’m not judging. Most of us have been in a similar predicament. I spent a lot of my 20s trying to will my spouse into submission. That, my friends, never happened. He was and is untrainable.
My mind went crazy seeing this scenario. I wish I could bring the woman to my table and share some wisdom.
1. You can’t change other people. Yes, people can change but it has to be their desire. Ugly faces. Demeaning tones. Shame. Comparison. None of that works. I tried being the example. If I’m fit, they will want to eat low carb and weight train. Nope.
2. People are who they are. You wanting someone to be tall, dark, handsome and motivated when they are short, blond, frumpy and a couch potato is your problem.
3. We all have different values, even in the same family… especially in the same family. It can be very helpful in a group, whether it’s a family, project or work environment to come up with collective values. These are the things we agree upon as a group. Some of my family values are being kind and respectful and God in the center of everything. I can’t force my values on other people.
4. You are the problem. Radical responsibility isn’t sexy. How am I contributing to this situation? What about this situation is making me unhappy? Every time I get truly irritated at someone else, it’s about me. What am I wanting from this situation? Perhaps the woman in McDonald’s wants to be seen and heard. Maybe she’s doing everything at home. I’m watching her husband watch garbage on his phone while she manages to the kids. I get it, girl. Homeboy watching YouTube is not the cause of the misery.
5. Acceptance. This will free you. People only change when they desire the change. Everyone is operating under their own values, goals and beliefs. This is a you problem. You want someone to be different or see life your way. You expect them to be mind readers and people pleasers. This is where acceptance comes in. It’s not condoning or condemning. It’s recognizing this is what it is… Should you express how you feel? Absolutely. But in a constructive way, not in an eye roll, get huffy over missing sauce way. What is worth fighting over? Should we have a bad day over missing honey mustard? Seems dumb to me.
Leave a Reply